Introvert-itis!

I'm an introvert.

I know. People who have known me for a long time might not agree, but I ask you, think about when we first met. Was I standoffish? Shy? Would you characterize me as bitchy?

I've heard them all and even from close friends. And I don't mind. This is something I struggle with everyday. Because as an author, I need to put myself out there and....*gasps*...socialize. I tend to avoid events because of fear of being left out or standing against the wall drinking all alone, which is just sad.

What makes this really hard is my husband, is not. He's Mr. Social. Mr. Knows-Everybody. Mr. Hey I-Won't-Forget-Your-Name. Always with a handshake and a smile.

And he is constantly asking me if I said hello to someone when I mention seeing them at a store. Usually, I say no. I can't help it. My fear of being rejected is enough to force me to look away and pretend I don't see them. I don't mean to be rude and have on many occasions overcame my fear and put myself out there and will always get a friendly hello.

So this morning, Christmas Eve, I went to my least favorite store to grab a few last minute food items for the next morning. And like usual I see someone I know. I've actually spoken to this person and I know he recognizes me because he does that double look thing. I build up courage and think I can at least offer a smile and hello and step out of my shell. For the holidays.

As our carts get closer to each other, we share a few more glances in each others' way and I'm going to do it. I am strong. I am brave. And just as our carts are close enough to tough each other, I say, "Hello" and smile.

And he looks down, obviously avoiding me!

Well, I came home and gave my husband an earful. The one time, I put myself out there and WHAM the door is slammed in my face.

Merry Christmas!