Friday, December 12, 2014

Time to Get Deep

Call it the holiday spirit or call it the crazy ramblings of a sleep deprived mom. But lately, I can't help but be extra thankful for my family...especially what my youngest has brought to my life in the past 2 years.

My husband and I dated a bit in high school and reconnected before I went off to college...where he attended. And our lives became one instantly. It was like we balanced each other' 'quirks and we shared something deeper than a relationship...we were friends.

So like most stories, we married a year after graduating college and started our family that same year. Sure, we were young, but it all was a natural progression. Three years later, kid number two came and life was complete. My husband provided for us, allowing me to work part-time and be a mom to our kids.

Kids grow and our family was doing okay but I have to admit, something I haven't to anyone, I always wondered what our life would be like with a third kid. I joked that if I wanted to stay home full time I should get pregnant. Ha! Ha! You have to understand, that I never even planned on one kid before we were married. I had a bad childhood and didn't think I could provide for another based on my own experience. And even after kid one, who I love more than anything, I was done. Then two and my son is my precious baby boy who will always hold his mother's heart.

At 34, I wondered what else I needed in my life. My kids were older and we fell into a routine of not having to monitor them but provide and love them. Except, I felt I needed more.

I didn't plan it. Hell, I didn't even think it was medically possible to have another kid but shortly after the first of the year in 2012, I was in fact pregnant.

It was a long, tough pregnancy but this sweet baby girl is my world. I think she saved me from feeling incomplete. I don't want you to think that I was bored and needed a playmate. That couldn't be farther from the truth. My writing career was just getting off the ground, I worked part-time for my publisher learning the biz and I was still dealing with the grief of losing the most important woman in my life, my grandmother. And my full-time job was causing me grief.

And still, my life is a runaway train barreling through each day only to fall into bed and catch a few winks before the morning. There are days when I want to hide from my little girl because she's driving me insane.

But her unconditional love for me burns the back of my eyes and sticks in my throat.

Maybe one day, when she's a temperamental teenager who thinks everybody hates her, she'll read this and know just how much mommy loves her.

Grab someone you love today and give them a little extra love. It is the season!

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